Updated: Apr 19
Separation is defined as:
the action or state of moving or being moved apart. the division of something into constituent or distinct elements.
Separation sometimes get a lot of negative connotation. When it comes to marriage, we think of separation as the first step of a divorce. With work, we think of separation as the company letting us go. However, I see separation with a positive connotation.
Often times we need to be separating ourselves from our day to day. This may include work, the people we talk to, and the habits we have built. This does not mean blowing everyone off and putting off all your work. What it does mean, is taking time away from all the things which may keep you going as a mindless robot.
It is good to always take a moment to pause. A nice breather when you can get a true break. Let your mind turn off and just wonder. Allow yourself to get bored for a while, and see what creative ideas you come up with, within your time frame. Researchers have pointed out how we have lost our ability to be truly bored. Technology allows us to always be doing something. Even now I am seemingly bored, but typing up this blog post. So the opportunity for my creative juices to truly flow have slipped away…according to them.
Here if you don’t believe me: Bored … And Brilliant? A Challenge To Disconnect From Your Phone here’s a link to the NPR discussion on how our boredom does not truly exist with technology. It speaks on how we need to truly disconnect to allow for our brilliance to shine through. A number of inventions were made through boredom, so they say.
So if our boredom allows for us to be creative and have brilliant ideas, why do we not separate ourselves more often? Are we worried we are going to offend people? Have we grown to care too much about the opinion of others, that we have neglected ourselves? These are strong possibilities.
In my own life, I see how I put others before myself on a daily basis. For people to say I’m selfish would be a bit of a stretch. Most of my actions were carried out while thinking of others. I had once reached a point where every day I was thinking of how to save someone from something I thought was going to hurt them. In the process, I was hurting myself. On another occasion, I became so enveloped with the health of someone else, I began to neglect mine.
I saw myself for two weeks consistently get sick to the point of having to miss out of my daily life. And this may sound selfish, but my life should be of the most importance to me. There’s not a soul out there in the world (maybe one, my soulmate) who would put my life before theirs. Everyone is looking out for themselves. Unfortunately, I was caught up in a false reality of looking out for everyone else, except myself.
So I separated myself.
Everyone always needs to take a moment to do some house cleaning within themselves. You have to ask:
Who am I?
Who do I want to be?
What do I want to accomplish?
Am I surrounded by people with similar goals?
Do the people I surround myself with reflect what I want in life?
Am I doing everything I can to achieve my goals?
What are my goals?
When answering these questions, you definitely should be honest. Because if you lie to yourself, who else are you lying to? You should be the last person you’re lying to. You know yourself more than anyone. After you have answered those questions you can start the weeding and pulling. Remove those things and people from your life that are not helping you get better or improve. If the stress from it is more than you can bear and you have no true reason to hold on, let go. Why fake it with someone or somebody when you don’t have to? In the end, you’re only hurting yourself more by carrying along more baggage. More baggage then you can carry.
Immersion is defined as:
deep mental involvement.
After you have separated yourself from all of those things and people, allowed yourself to get bored, immerse yourself in the moment. It may not last for long. You may start to think of the responsibilities you have. You may think of how many likes you may or may not have gotten on your last Instagram post. But, if you allow yourself enough time to truly immerse yourself you may learn something new.
In the immersion time I’ve had so far, I learned I love being alone. I have found it to be such a huge contradiction because I complain about loneliness, but there is something about silence, peace, and quiet which fuels me to another dimension. I start to remember old ideas I’ve forgotten. Whether it be the idea for an app at school I thought up, or an idea for an internship I get to make for myself between this and next semester ideas are continuously flowing in my head. The immersion time is beautiful. I noticed in my immersion time, I don’t just pin pins to my boards on Pinterest, but I actually take the time to read the articles or follow the links. I take time to read articles on subjects going on in the world which relate to me, and not just skim the headline.
Immersion doesn’t have to be quiet alone time either. I just found out quiet, alone time fuels me. And where it becomes a contradiction is being in a relationship. Immersion time with a significant other or anyone of significance can be very fun and important as well. It could include sharing your ideas with them. They can let you see the other side of the spectrum. So long as they are being positive with you and not bringing you down, it can still be a positive time.
The point of all of this is to find a happy place. A number of people I speak to on a daily have lost their happy place. A happy place does not have to be a physical place, it could be a state of mind. A peaceful state of separation and immersion. The hardest part I believe is separating. Some of us get so worried about others we neglect ourselves to the point we end up sick and alone. While people may care, it’ll be from a distance. Sometimes people won’t go the distance we do for them, literally and figuratively. I’ve learned in some instances it is better to not have expectations for people at all, but when they show you who they are the first time, you should definitely believe them. Maya Angelou actually said that, and I’ve seen it hold great power.
With separation and immersion, I think it is very possible to find a happy place where you can figure out who you are. It is never too late. And it may not even require a lot of time. Just enough time for you to find some balance. Enough time for you to get bored, think of an idea, and immerse yourself in it.
It won’t hurt to try.
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