Last Night

Updated: Apr 19

Last night I got to talking with this girl. She began to tell me a lot of very personal things. At first, I found it weird because I didn’t necessarily know how to handle such an abundant amount of information from someone I barely even knew.

She was telling me all of the problems she was having at the time. It included everything from deadbeat fathers to broken friendships. For a long period of time she had been trying to carry the burden of growing up without her father. His “deadbeat” qualities had her in fear of her brothers’ lives. She was fearful her father would place the same burden on them. She had a conversation with one of her brothers quite recently and he told her their father was being a deadbeat to him as well. Always making empty promises. Always saying he’s going to show up then not being there. For so long she was under the impression her father actually acted like a “dad” to her brother, unfortunately his behavior didn’t change for anybody. He recently just had a beautiful little boy who is only 3 months but already trying to talk. It hurts her because she knows her father is going to end up doing the same thing again. Not be there. Her father still hasn’t grown up, and he does not know how to take care of other people because he was not raised with that kind of love. So that’s part of her problem.

She was going through a lot, but I’m glad she was honest to me. For so long she’s always been in a relationship and for the first time in so many years she is single. I mean like really single and she is bugged out because she thinks she cannot attract a single soul. Honestly though, her ex boyfriend stills loves her and there just might be a guy out there who can grow to like her if she just gave him some time. Her ex tried to change her all the time. His major character flaw was him always instilling in her she always needed something to fix within herself. She still felt like she wanted to be with someone. She likes to rush. She finds validation in guys, and she definitely shouldn’t. They’re not always going to be there and they cannot give her everything she needs.

This girl always, always has friends. But she’s been terrible at choosing them. This time though she’s found an awesome bunch, but being that she has a trait of sabotage she’s managed to do it again. She’s lost about two friends well more honestly in her college career, and instead of trying to mourn them she just replaces them. She has a habit of picking up whatever her friends around her do, but she can also take it too far at times. It causes people to not want to be around her and she can tell.

So last night she reached a breaking point. At 5 o’clock she took more ibuprofen than she should and by 8 pm she had taken even more. She wanted to go, but she wanted to do it slowly. Only one person knew of what she was doing and that one person ended up being the one to make the call to her parents. Reluctantly she talked to her dad {aka her uncle because we know her father is a deadbeat}, and she told him some of the things bothering her, but she barely scratched the surface. She was put in a predicament and ended up having to tell him about the pills she took. He was upset, but he wanted her to know there is nothing that could possibly be that terrible. That suicide is permanent and there’s no coming back from it.

I know this girl’s personal story so well because I’m the girl. And last night I tried to take the easy way out on my campus, and I knew I wasn’t going to be found for a while. I figured no one would care and I would take the burden off a lot of people. But that’s not the case. And honestly, I would’ve hurt a lot more people then I was thinking about at the time.

I’m currently on a journey to calm down and focus, and the first step is realizing that God saved me yesterday and made it so those pills wouldn’t have been the thing that takes me out today. I still have a purpose because if I didn’t God would’ve taken me out, and honestly I do not know more than God. Luckily, I walked away with only a painful stomach ache, but I really had to get it together after that.

I’m in the process of getting better, but I thought I should share my testimony of yesterday. Hopefully it will touch someone.

#parenting #Love #Personal #Friendships #mentalhealth #PersonalExperience #Father #Death #TWDepression #PersonalStory #Cheating #Family #Story #Testimony #twSuicide #SpiritualHealth #Missingparent #MentalHealthAwareness #Friends #life #Depression #Thankful #PersonalLife #Storytime #Jesus #SpiritualHealing #Infidel


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