It is disappointing to me I have to sit here and write this post. My heart is heavy and my chest is tight. I am constantly having to educate people on what is going on in the world. Did you know there are people who have no idea? What a privilege that is. I do not wish I had that privilege. I do hope that one day my chest releases because for once I finally feel relaxed in my skin.
The feeling of relaxation I have is only temporary. When I am cooking in the kitchen or eating it gives me peace. When I think of new recipes, it gives me peace. Outside of that space, I do not have great peace. What a privilege it is to be at peace.
I am struggling to find peace in this world. A world that I have always known to not be safe for Black women. It is growing increasingly unsafe. We are visibly seeing more and more posts of "Rest in Peace." No one person of the Black experience is excluded from this. No matter how much wealth you obtain, no matter where you live, no matter if you go to the best school, respectability politics will not save your Black life. We are being seen as a threat. I do not know what my people did to be in this predicament.
Black people are the culture creators. We have added so much to society. We helped make this place comfortable enough for us to stay here. However, we no longer feel comfortable. Should we have ever gotten comfortable with what we were seeing? How we are treated? With biases? With prejudices?
Probably not, but at some point in your life you get comfortable with how thing are going because you personally feel fine. Not everyone of course.
Some stayed vigilant. Some stayed aware the whole time.
It's difficult in a sense to be Black and to be conscious in the United States of America. To do so is to be in rage all of the time (James Baldwin, 1961). As soon as I became more aware I felt the rage. Rage of not understanding why Black people in the United States are seen as such a threat. Rage of why I was being discriminated against because my skin is darker. Why I had to straighten my hair in order to be acceptable in Corporate America. I did not understand while internally I felt like I was enough, the United States saw me as less then.
As I unpack my rage, I continue to realize how systemic so much of it is. It is hard to rely on a system which was not created for you. It is hard to rely on a system which is unwilling to adjust for you. The system should not have to continually watch people who look like me die on the street in order to care. The system should have cared a long time ago.
Am I obtuse for thinking the system could work in our favor? We tell people to vote and do nothing for voter suppression. In Atlanta and many other states across the US how voter suppression may have made it impossible for people to vote. The "systems" were not working as they were intended.
The "systems" were not working as they intended.
It almost seemed intentional. We spoke for years about issues of voter suppression. Especially in southern states, like NC. It behoves me we are still facing this same problem four years later, or maybe it was intentional. All I know is obviously the fight is not finished. Will it ever be finished? How can we continue to fight? Are we not getting burned out?
I had some ideas, and as I honestly work through them I will continue to share them here.
All Black Lives Matter is so deep. It is to be inclusive of everyone. From Black Trans folk, all the way to homeless or displace Black folk. One thing I have learned while doing some work is that it is not always about talking up for people as much as it is about giving them a platform. Giving people their own platform to speak up about how they feel is so important.
We do not have all of the same experiences. Even as Black people. However, those of us with a platform can lend it to someone who really needs it so they can highlight their issue. We that have capital can give that capital (even straight cash) to folks who are in need so they can choose how to best assist themselves.
One thing I know for sure is we do not all have the same resources. I was always taught that when you have something to give then you need to. With all of the crap (it's really crap. I have not thought of a good word to describe it) going on. We need to come together more than ever.
But we can't bring everybody. People have to first be aware of what is going on. So while I write these beautiful recipes which help me escape what is going on, I will also expose the atrocities I am aware of. If you're down for the ride, then let's go.